D is for Denmark

When it comes to restaurants in Melbourne, we have so many to choose from we are second to none in the world. However, when it comes to countries staring with "D", those choices are somewhat limited. In fact, limited to three.....Domenican Republic, Djibouti and Denmark (although Deutschland was suggested by a friend!). An internet search later and it soon became obvious there was no choice at all. The only "D" in Melbourne is in fact Denmark House, and their ultra modern restaurant called Dansk.

Located in Little Bourke Street, the restaurant is accessed by a stubborn elevator located beside Chaplins (private) bar and restaurant. No-one to greet us, we ventured to the kitchen itself where a polite young waiter showed us to our lavishly furnished table (Ms X loved the candle holder). Being Ms X's birthday, two glasses of wine and a Carlsberg were ordered, as was the entree which proved to be delicious. Accompanied by Junior Ms X, the three of us shared two SMORREBRODS (open sandwich ) , a sumptuous paneret fiskefillet med remoulade reger og caviar (crumbed fish with remoulade, prawns and caviar), and flaeskesteg med redkal og agurkesalat (roast pork with red cabbage and cucumber salad), both served on a type of pumpernickel bread. We could all have easily had the fiskefillet again as a mains.

Mr X then requested a Tuborg beer, just as four young Danes sat down at the table behind us. The beer finally arrived after a second prompting and the main course was delivered shortly after. All three of us ordered the same thing, dampet snapper filet med smor sauce, rejer, purlog og nye kartofler (steamed snapper with a butter sauce, prawns, chives and new season kipfler potatoes).

Interestingly enough, each plate came with an over-abundance of asparagus tips. They must be cheap in Denmark. In the words of judge Manu, on 'My Kitchen Rules'- it needed a sauce!

Once the meals were over, Ms X senior and Ms X junior paid the obligatory trip to the restrooms, only to emerge with an angelic radiance and an air of Aesop hand wash that stunk the room out. They also mentioned the incense sticks. A bit different to the Bangladeshi restaurant where we shook hands with the cook from the urinal.

Upon leaving the restaurant, we were intrigued with a photo of the one and only Priness Mary, who had graced the Dansk with her presence only 3 short months ago. Lovely lady but awful handwriting.

Scores:        Ambiance       HE: 5 SHE: 7

                    Food             HE: 5 SHE: 4
                    Service:         HE: 6 SHE: 8
                    Accessability  HE: 8 SHE: 8
                    Value:            HE: 4 SHE: 3

A total of 58 now puts it last.

C is for Czech Republic!

What do Ivana Trump, Ivan Lendal, Peter Korda, Hana Mandlikova and Jana Novotna all have in common? In which kingdom did Good King Wenceslas IV rule? In which country does a person who is counting on their fingers, also include their toes: so they have 20 fingers?
The Czech Republic!

So, with all these interesting facts filling our heads it was only fitting that we included the Czech Republic in our alphabeteating adventure- at Koliba

Johnstone Street Collingwood is always going to be tricky on a Friday night but Mr X has the required skills so he's always going to be in that driver's seat and again, he didn't disappoint with a park close by. This time like Santa 'making a list and checking it twice', he checked that parking sign several times to ensure we would not be contibuting to the council bank account again!

Decor....hmm........ gloomy, dark wood, 70s. Undeterred, a pleasant Czech waitress appeared with menus, very extensive menu items listed.

Ms X, who had been the organiser for "C" had already previewed the menu and knew it was to be heavy, heavy heavy so had chosen to eat yoghurt for lunch.
Mr X chose the Ďábelské pikantní topinky (spicy minced beef with cheese on toast- what a surprise!)
Ms X senior and Ms X Jr shared an entree of Utopenec s cibulí a chlebem (sausage with marinated capsicum and onion) Mr X LOVED his whilst the Ms Xs just were't ready for the cold temperature of the Czech snag.

The 'X' family just love things wrapped up- preferably in pastry however when in a Czech Replican restaraunt, then chances are it's going to be wrapped in a POTATO PANCAKE of course. So, chicken wrapped in potato pancake or pork, you guessed it, wrapped in a potato pancake were ordered. Now, if you are looking for a green vegetable side dish, forget it.
There were 3 side dish options- mashed potato, fried potatoes or potato salad. Ms X snr announced the potato salad was delicious despite literally feeling all those spuds attaching themslves to her ankles, her arms, her thighs, her chin..get the picture.

Random comments:  "Despite an extensive czech beer list Feb Fast was maintained by everyone drinking water"
"The pleasant blonde waitress did all the work whilst the brunette one sat on a bench surfing the internet on a laptop"
"The chef appeared in the doorway with an itchy groin that he chose to attend to."

Ms X opted to leave a large portion of her potato feast as she had spied something on the menu that she knew that the Czechs and Slovakians would excel at...

After all their obsession with potatoes, you just gotta forgive the Czechs cos they know how to nail a streudel.

The all important scores:
                      Food       HE: 7 She: 5          Ambience     He: 4 She:4
                      Service    He: 6 She: 8           Accessibility He: 6 She:9
                      Value       He: 7 She: 7
Total score: 63 which places second behind Bangladesh.


(Ms X thinks there needs to be a recount for poor old Afghanistan which was unlucky to have to go first)

B is for Bangladesh

One down and 25 to go. Ms X began with an Afghan corker, so there was always going to be pressure on Mr X to come up with a BBBBBBeeeeautiful follow-up. So off to 199 Brunswick Road, Fitzroy, to the home of the Bangla Sweets and Curry Cafe for a tradional Bangladeshi banquet for three....yes, that's right...three. We were accompanied by Mr & Ms's X's gourmet-experienced daughter of 23 years to cast her expert eyes over our latest gastronomical choice.

Being probably Mr X's priority as far as starting the night off properly is concerned, parking accessibility turned out to be both good and bad. Initially good, as he managed to find a spot directly opposite the restaurant, so he had an unusually vibrant gait as he bounded across the road and entered the cafe. There we were met by a waitress who was big on smiles but short on English, but we did manage to find a table and peruse the extensive menu. Prices were very reasonable, water was brought to our table immediately and we knew the drought had broken as our glasses were constantly kept filled to the brim throughout the night (although both beer glasses were as flat as the naan bread).

We decided to order three entrees and three main courses to share. Entrees were Samosas (spiced potatoes and green peas in puff pastry), Vegetable Pakora (spinach, potato & onion fritters spiced and deep fried) and Barra Kabab (lamb cutlets marinated with spices and cooked in a clay oven). Everyone agreed that the entrees were delicious, especialy the cutlets. they were indeed a hit.

Main courses consisted of Chicken Tikka Masala (chicken tikka cooked in a special sauce with onion and capsicum). Gosht Shahi Korma (tender pieces of lamb cooked in cashew nuts and mixed spices) & Beef Madras (tender pieces of beef cooked in South Indian style, flavoured with coconut and curry leaf). Again, the main courses were delicious but very filling, especially as we balanced them with special fried rice ccoked with green peas and two serves of garlic Naan bread. In fact, there was so much food we had to order doggie bags for each main.

The modestly furnished restaurant indeed served up a sumptuous variety of dishes, however it was when Ms X ventured to the toilet (nearly taking a wrong turn and potentially sharing a dodgy vindaloo with the head chef), that the evening took a dramatic twist, especially with the parking ambience. Gazing inadvertently out the window, he noticed two young girls inspecting his car over the road, who subsequently produced a camera which then generated a parking ticket! Rushing out, he asked them what they were doing and was abruptly told to re-read the sign. And yes, he was parked illegally but was most annoyed at the highly ambiguous, confusing and deviously worded sign that was simply put there by a greedy council to fool motorists and generate revenue. He kept muttering that the $61 fine could have paid for a cab for the night! A disappointing end to an otherwise very enjoyable night.

SCORES:                 Ambience           He 5 She 4

                                  Service               He 8 She 8
                                  Accessibility        He 3 She 5

                                  Value for Money He 8 She 8
                                  Food                   He 8 She 8

TOTAL SCORE: 65

If only the Bangladeshi's could play cricket as well as they can cook!

Now what does that sign mean to you?

A is for Afghanistan!

Their first foray into dining by the alphabet according to the country of origin took place in Burke Road Camberwell at "AFGHAN VILLAGE".

Originally Ms X had "The Abyssinian" on the radar however they were having an extended summer holiday and were closed until the end of January......so, off to Afghanistan it was.

Parking outside the door is always the goal of Mr X and he can NEVER understand or accept that this is not always possible. After several Chevy Chase "Big Ben kids" circuits of the block, he reluctantly placed the car in the only available spot which still allowed them the benefits of walking to the restaraunt, not catching a taxi!

With memories of the 'Kite Runner' in their heads, they were pleasantly surprised by the decor, colourful surrounds and chairs! Despite visions of sitting on a carpet square, the crisp white tablecloths and tables and chairs may not have been the most authentic but were appreciated by Ms X's sore back.

They both felt very proud as they watched at least half a dozen diners get turned away..... got to get extra points for that.

Glancing around the establishment Ms X commented on the rather large photo of a young girl that was featured on the main wall. It was one of those photos where the eyes followed you and watched what you were doing. It also kept reminding Ms X of Sally Field and "Not without my Daughter".

Mr X initially chose the dips and bread as an entree however with subtle persuasion and a reminder of all the 'chip and dip' moments over the last month, the two shared an entree of lamb filled dumplings covered in a curry and yoghurt sauce.


Next came their main courses of mixed kebabs on a sizzle plate complete with sizzling salad and naan bread, as well as chicken korma curry (Afghan style) with rice pilaf which they again shared.
Both dishes proved to be very tasty and left them with no room for dessert

Mr X says:         The jury's out if I'd go back there. We need to experience more alphabetical restaurants for a comparison.

Ms X says:       I'd like to go back there with a group and preferably when the shops are open as it was an interesting shopping strip. But I know that's a topic for another research projec
THE ALL IMPORTANT SCORES:

• Ambience
  HE 5, SHE 7
• Accessibility (a fancy word for parking)
  HE 5, SHE 6
• Value for money
  HE 5, SHE 7
• Service
  HE 6, SHE 8
• Food
  HE 5, SHE 6
  Adding up the combined scores, the AFGHAN VILLAGE came out with 60 out of a possible 100 points for overall experience. And no, this is NOT an off shoot of Four Weddings.

Afghan Village: 923 Burke Rd., Camberwell



Postscript: Crisis averted as Ms X regained her appetite for coffee and dessert and stopped off at Max Brenners on the way home.